High Anxiety

Why do people self sabotage? I know I do it. A lot. They say it is some deep feeling of inadequacy or being undeserving. I know this started early with me...My very first most embarrassing moment was snowmobiling with my Uncle Butch. He was going to let me drive the thing, and I was so excited, I left without him. I must have been very small because the panic I caused was tremendous. I remember turning around to see his arms flailing and him running so fast that by the time he caught me his face was red and he was breathless. I know that I didn't leave him on purpose, but for some reason my mind kept playing that scene over and over and giving me reason to cringe! Unfortunately, this was not my last huge anxiety causing issue. They have now manifested in a way that I really do need to be medicated just to function. Love that Paxil! I think this may be genetic because it goes against my very nature to take responsibility for anything. Unbelievable!